


100% off

by MysticMedusa



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 03:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10800708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticMedusa/pseuds/MysticMedusa
Summary: Clint and Tony make a bet regarding their wonderful virgin teammate Captain America. Things don't go as planned





	100% off

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rnedagemacaroni](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rnedagemacaroni/gifts).



> To the lovely rnedagemacaroni, you sent me a meme and this is what happens you evil puff pastry. I hope you're happy because you inspired this :P  
> P.S the author regrets nothing...the author is a liar, some regrets. Also unconfirmed zombies because that's a think

Tony and Clint were pranksters, the team new this, Pepper knew this, sadly Fury knew this and hated them for it. They made bets almost as much as they pranked each other which was probably the only reason Clint always had cash on him honestly(Tony didn’t mind losing a bet. He was billionaire; he was so rich Rhodey was honestly sure at this point when Tony sneezed money came out). Regardless of how many people knew this no one bothered to tell Bucky, the recently returned from the dead(he wasn’t actually dead but Tony’s willing to bet money he’s possibly a zombie and therefore the only one in the tower with a brain he was doomed) formerly brain washed assassin.

So when Tony made a bet with Clint that Steve(the resident virgin because 40s and captain righteousness and virtue) wouldn’t get an obvious and horrible pick up line, everyone but Bucky and Steve knew about the bet. Clint accepted it easily knowing even Steve virgin or not would obviously be able to tell it’s a bad pick up line. Tony smirked knowing he totally had this one as he strolled into the kitchen where Steve was reading a newspaper (like the strange old man he was, dude seriously there’s computers for this shit. Every newspaper was like a stab to Tony’s poor engineering heart you heartless bastard!)

“Hey Steve I like your new pants.” Tony commented in passing making sure to give smile at Steve.

“Oh thanks, they were 50% off.”

Of course they were, Tony was prepared for this horrible pick up line.

“I’d like them better if they were a 100% off.” Tony said giving Steve a flirtatious smirk like the proud and experienced playboy he was.

Steve like the lost little virgin he was looked at him half confused and half thinking Tony was the idiot. Bucky was looking up his eyes narrowed on Steve but Tony didn’t notice that because he was too busy winning a bet.

“The store can’t just give away clothes for free. That’s a terrible way to run a business Tony.”

Somewhere in the background Clint fell out of a vent cursing (we don’t question Clint and his vent habits, it’s just…you don’t question it). Tony was about to claim his victory when he turned hearing Bucky suddenly rush to his feet causing his chair to fall over. Tony’s eyes widened as Bucky with the sheer force of his super strength and assassin ways (maybe a hint of zombie strength, it’s still a possibility and Tony doesn’t have enough data to support he’s not a brain devouring undead) rips his pants off and tosses them at Tony.

“You can have mine 100% off anytime doll.” He says with a wink and begins walking away with his perfect ass on display enticing Tony to follow.(Seriously if Bucky is a zombie Tony will willingly give him his brain as long as the method used is it being sucked out through his dick).

Clint had recovered from his fall and was completely obvious to the genius following the enticing call of deadly assassin ass as he pointed at Steve.

“This is your fault. You’re getting laid right now so I don’t lose such a ridiculous bet ever again. Here, I’ll bend over and serve my country right now. This is bullshit.”

Steve lost little virgin he was stared at the archer for all of three seconds before he put down his newspaper and picked up Clint who squawked as he was flung over the shoulder of patriotism.

“Wait…what’s going on?”

“You’re about to serve your country.” Steve answered carrying off the archer to whereabouts unknown (we don’t question where virgins take their victims, it’s just a thing we don’t do).

Shortly after Steve left with Clint out of the shadows Fury and Natasha appeared. Fury said nothing as he handed over a hundred dollar bill to the black widow who was hiding her smirk.

“We never speak of this again.” She said with all the threat of death that came with the famous red headed assassin.

And they didn’t speak of the bet again; they just materialized back into the shadows because that’s how assassins and spies travel (don’t you question this, totally a true fact).


End file.
